This pregnancy has been so easy and wonderful so far! Early on, we had a scare and thought we lost the baby, but all has been well since. This past week our midwife sent us to have the anatomy ultrasound done. It's the first ultrasound I've had since the initial one at 6 weeks, so to see an actual baby instead of a blob was incredible! Nick and I sat in the waiting room full of other pregnant mamas and their partners. Lots of people buried in their phones; who likes waiting rooms anyway? Nick buried his face in a parenting magazine. After we left the office he told me over breakfast at Denny's about reading in the parenting magazine helpful tips to soothe a crying baby; to hold the baby close to your chest so they can hear your heartbeat. Oh, how I love him.
So anyway, Nick and I, along with almost everyone who knows us, have been so very excited and anxious to find out what we're having. We told our family and close friends first, but I wanted to wait to share the news with the rest of the world because I just wanted to savor this little secret. I wanted it to really sink into my bones and I wanted to get to know the little life inside of me. Pregnancy is a very personal thing for me. I feel the weight of it in more ways than one. It's the most intense and sweetest of poems ever written, the most beautiful music to any song ever played. As my heart beats, there's another heart beating inside of me. Ever since finding out what the baby is, I feel so much more connected to our sweet Littlefoot. I don't think I can contain my excitement any longer, though, and I just know I'm going to slip up and say the gender when speaking because I can no longer refer to the baby as just "the baby", but rather as HE. HIM. OUR SON!!!! We're having a son! A precious baby boy! A little one who made it very clear to us that he is a HE, as the first thing we saw at the ultrasound appointment when the tech turned on the tv screen was his little winkie! He mooned us right away! Tears filled our eyes as she told us he has a beautiful brain and a beautiful heart. We saw him opening his mouth and waving his little hand and moving all around. It was a literal dream come true! I wish I could listen to his heartbeat all day long and fall asleep to the sound of it. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.
I can't stop staring at his picture; I feel so much more attached to him now. Nick has always been attached to him. He talks to the baby all the time when we're together. Every morning before he leaves for work, he hugs and kisses both of us and tells us to have a good day and tells the baby to "send Mama lots of kicks today!" I love feeling his little kicks! He responds to music a lot, so when I miss feeling those thumps I play music near my belly and he starts moving and thumping again. Our little dancer already! Sometimes he'll get me real good and it makes me giggle! I wonder what he dreams about.
I've dreamed about him twice so far. The first time, Nick and I were embraced and looking into a mirror, he came out of my side and waved at us, smiled and went back into my belly. The second time, my belly became a transparent green as he floated up to the top, waved and mouthed, "Hello!", then everything went back to normal. They were the most magical dreams. I find my mind wandering away often, dreaming of our future with this beautiful boy. Days spent outside together going on walks and teaching him about nature, camping trips and teaching him how to build a fire, living room dance parties and teaching him about the Beatles and Talking Heads and Rolling Stones. Nick teaching him sports and me teaching him about art. Our Son. I wonder what color his eyes will be and who's smile he has.
Our Littlefoot. We haven't met you yet but I hope you can feel how much you are loved and wanted. I hope you walk through life fearless and love others with strong compassion and empathy. I hope you always know how much Daddy and I love each other and especially love you. We've prayed and hoped and longed to have you in our lives for a long time. We promise to always be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning.
We love you.
We love you.
We love you.